Meeting the Shadow of Spirituality: The Hidden Power of Darkness on the Path by Connie Zweig Ph.D

Author:Connie Zweig Ph.D.
Language: eng
Format: azw3, mobi, epub
ISBN: 9781532015410
Publisher: iUniverse
Published: 2017-01-23T16:00:00+00:00

The inner marriage: A story of holy longing in the Christian saint Catherine of Siena

In 1347, in Siena, Italy, in a tall brick house with a tile roof, Catherine Benincasa and her twin sister were born. Their mother, who already had twenty-two babies, sent the sicker infant to a wet nurse and took Catherine to her own breast. The sister died soon after, and Catherine’s Catholic mother reminded her daily that she had a special obligation to be good—god chose her to survive.

At five, Catherine loved to visit the small stone church of St. Dominic just up the hill from her house. She gazed at colorful icons of the saints and inhaled incense like the breath of life. When she returned home, hand in hand with her mother, and climbed the stairs leading up to her room, she bowed her blond head, genuflected, and poured her heart into Hail Marys on each step.

At seven, Catherine wandered through the town square, enraptured by the pinks and oranges of sunset. As she stood at the city gates gazing up at the sky, all at once Jesus appeared in the heavens, robed in white, and smiling at her. Behind him, a circle of saints in white awaited. A shaft of light fell on the small girl, who collapsed in the dirt.

From that day, the fire that Christians call the passion for Christ was lit in her. Yearning to be near him, she hid in a stone grotto to recite fervent prayers, vowing her virginity to Mary. She tied a rope into knots and flailed her tiny body in imitation of Christ’s suffering until blue welts rose beneath the skin.

At 15, Catherine’s mother and sister prepared her for marriage. But when this older sister died in 1362, Catherine blamed herself for the tragedy, for surviving the death of another cherished sister. She believed that her flirtation with worldliness during the preparation for marriage caused the death. As a result, she vowed that she would have no bridegroom but Christ. Her longing for Him and Him alone intensified.

Catherine struck a child’s bargain with god: in exchange for her sacrifices, she would win salvation for her entire family. Her life of penance would give her power over the sins of her parents. On the contrary, if she yielded to desire, she would damn them forever. With defiance, she took a shears and cut her blond curls to the roots.

Trying to break her will, her parents took away her private room and assigned her the chores of washing, cooking, and sewing for the large household. In her mind she constructed a secret cell that no one could take from her, and her religiosity deepened. And in her imagination she turned her family into the holy family of Jesus, Mary, and the apostles and served them gladly.

At 16, she told her father decisively that she refused marriage. At first, he was distraught. But one day he entered her room silently while she was at prayer. A white dove, sign of the Holy Spirit, seemed to hover above her head.

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